Wednesday, May 12, 2010

It's My Party

So have you ever backed yourself into one of those corners where you haven't done something in a while and then you want to get back to it but you want to make a return worthy of such a long absence and then you can't quite get inspired to really do something special so you just put if off even longer and longer and longer, thus perpetuating the whole cycle?

Um, yeah, me neither. Obviously.

In all seriousness though, I'm sorry for being such a bad blogger. I never meant to be gone for almost a month. I promise it started off innocently enough and with the best of intentions -- by which I of course mean that I got sick and decided to spare you all the invite to my personal pity party. Not to mention the fact that I also started high-dose prednisone to combat said sickness and, well, let's be honest: blogs written on steroids should probably come with their own special warning label. So instead of going through all that, I decided to take a little break. And gosh did I ever spare you guys a lot. Seriously, you can thank me later.

I spared you the "little dry run that wasn't #1" where I never left my apartment because the lungs turned out to be high-risk and I am (thankfully) not yet at that point.

And then I spared you the "little dry run that wasn't #2" where I again never left my apartment because my body decided that it would be more fun to spike fevers and play jokes like a resting heartrate of 145+ instead of going into the hospital for yet another try at a transplant.

And then I spared you the inevitable starting of IVs that came after #2, because clearly if you're so sick they're refusing to give you new lungs it's time to call in the big guns.

And then, fast forward nearly a month, and I suddenly realized that I had pretty much spared you guys right out of my life.

Because truth be told life does go on, even when CF rears its ugly head. Since April 23rd I've not only had a few missed dry runs (none of the lungs were ever used, by the way, as if that's supposed to make it any better) -- I've also had a lot of other, non-sickness stuff happen too. I've had my wonderful father come back out from Denver, I've taken my fantastic mom to mother's day brunch, and I've even been able to enjoy some of the surprisingly non-gross weather we've been having in NYC lately (today, obviously, being the major exception -- it is truly gross out there).

So are you ready to thank me yet? Yeah, I didn't really think so.

I guess the simple fact is that if anyone can handle all my CF ups and downs, it's probably you guys, because by and large you've all been there too. And that, of course, is what makes the CF community so invaluable -- like any strong relationship, we're here for each other for better or for worse, in sickness and in health (and then, more often than not, in sickness yet again). We listen to the whining, empathize with the ranting, and even muddle our way through all the Prednisone madness, all while somehow managing to be grateful for the moments of pure, well, life that show up in the middle of all that other stuff. I'm just sorry that it took me about 20 days to remember how special that is.

So this may not be the monumental, witty, and healthy return I originally envisioned, but at least it is a return. And sure, I may still be on IVs -- and I may even have added a new med to the mix just this afternoon -- but I'm still here, still waiting, still breathing, and sometimes, even despite it all, still blogging.

And between all of that, I'd say this pity party is officially over.

8 comments:

  1. Back on the green and blue saddle, buddy. Behind you 100%!

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  2. We should have a farewell party for the pity party!!

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  3. It's good to hear from you! been wondering and a little concerned.

    Loranne

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  4. Love to read your blogs - glad you are back! And I think all of us in CF land are due our little pity parties. We can encourage each other even through those ;).
    Blessings!

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  5. Missed you. Glad you are back!

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  6. Well first off - hi. I think this is my first comment here since I've just started reading blog. Yes any blogs, not just yours. ;) But I've read all of yours and love it!

    Onwards. I love this post specifically. I love your insight about what we with CF (and even others) do so much. We put off and put off and put off - waiting until we feel better, or look better, or are coughing less or whatEVER and we end up putting off our LIFE if we don't realize it.

    Thank you for not putting off your blog anymore. We wanna hear all of that stuff. Don't spare us. ;)

    -Seven

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