Over the Hump

Clinic again today, and oh! What a difference a week makes!

Seriously, this visit was night and day from the first post-tx clinic a week ago. Same wonderful people, same buildings, same tests, but way less confusion and about 1000 times more energy to get through the day. I never once felt out of my element or overwhelmed, and that's saying quite a bit considering last week's 3-ring circus.

Overall everything went well. PFTs still moving in a good direction (amazing to see after watching them go down for so long!) and I had a good Q & A session with my doctor. Nothing out of the ordinary, really. The best part for me was just walking around that huge medical complex without feeling like I was going to melt into some kind of puddle on the floor. I still haven't fully regained my strength, of course, but I could actually feel the difference between last week and this one, which was a much-needed spirit boost for sure.

Another amazing thing is actually meeting some of the other post-tx patients at Columbia. The post-tx patients go to clinic at different times than the pre-tx patients do, so it's a whole new crowd. Well, "new" in the sense that I haven't met a lot of them in person, but today I was lucky enough to bump into a fellow CFer from the CF boards (who also sometimes reads this blog!). He was one of my major inspirations for pre-tx transplant exercise and recovery, so to meet him was honestly pretty special. It continues to amaze me how vibrant and resourceful the CF community is. Seriously, we are a pretty amazing group of individuals, if I do say so myself. Much as I hate this disease, I feel oddly blessed to be a part of that larger picture.

I have to say again that I love the doctors and staff at my hospital. They always make sure everything runs as smoothly as possible, and they somehow manage to stay so nice in the process. I also got to drop by to see my CF nurse today after my visit with the transplant clinic. It was great to see her, and I felt so encouraged by her comments. It feels amazing to suddenly have people saying I look better, or healthy, or any other of a number of positive adjectives. To have gone from a slow but steady decline to a sudden sense that everything is getting better with each passing day is beautiful.

I don't think I have to patronize any of you and pretend that this process has been super easy. It hasn't, and I know I'm not fully over the hump -- whatever that hump really is. I'm still having a lot of trouble just sleeping through the night and doing normal things like eating on a regular schedule. I'm still trying to navigate this new maze of CF/TX-related diabetes. I'm still a little confused by all my new drugs. But I also have come more and more to recognize that this is part of the experience, and I know that in the past few days I've started to remember why I chose this option in the first place. My joy at some of the little things is returning, and to be honest I think it's even better in a way than the elation I felt immediately post-ICU. Because this time it's a real emotion, and it's life, and it's totally worth it.

Humps and all.