Sick

I am officially sick of being sick. Today marks day number 9 since I started my IVs (day 5 since I started the CORRECT IVs though) and I have definitely hit my limit. I can totally handle staying on the drugs for three weeks, but I honestly can't take much more of this whole feeling like crap thing. Hear that lungs? It's getting really old.

Yesterday I finally bit the bullet and asked work for some real time off. Not my normal "I need a couple of days to check into the hospital and I'll be back the minute I'm discharged" routine, but honest to goodness time off for my body to heal. As in, the entire rest of the month. Asking for it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, lame as that sounds. Seriously, how spoiled am I that I count sitting down with the most understanding people in the world and asking for what is technically only about 5 days off (holiday doesn't count, obviously) as such a traumatic experience? It really was though. It's like the IVs: I can handle the practical parts of having CF -- I can do to all the doctor appointments and do the tests and gaze at the x-rays and even talk to people about being evaluated for lung transplant -- but I totally freeze up when this disease actually threatens to interfere with my LIFE. I know it sounds really trite, but I was lucky enough to find a job that I love with people that I really enjoy working with, and I hate hate hate feeling like I'm not pulling my weight or living up to their expectations.

I miss my job. I miss my friends. I hate getting on the phone with my family and hearing their voices so filled with concern and worry. I hate seeing my puppy forlornly curled up over by the door to my apt waiting for a walk that I just don't have the energy to give him. I hate feeling like such a complainer. More than anything I just hate CF.

I know that with time and rest these IVs will do their magic and I'll be back on my feet. I just hope that time comes sooner rather than later!