Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Tonight's Deep Thoughts

A few things I need to say:

1) This past weekend a 28 year old lawyer at my firm died of a heart attack. Completely unexpected and totally unexplained (at least for now, until the autopsy is final). He was an active guy, not obese, and seemed perfectly healthy. I didn't really know him, but some of my friends had worked with him on deals. It was just shocking to everyone, I think, to realize that life is so fragile. And I think I forget that too sometimes, even though as a CFer I obviously deal with the reality of illness a little more than some. But the fact of the matter is that it doesn't take a mutated gene or a diagnosed illness - sometimes shit just happens.

2) As if #1 weren't enough of a wake-up call, today a friend of mine mentioned during a pretty casual conversation that his little brother (like way little - elementary or middle school) has kidney problems and could well need a transplant at some point in his life. Details weren't offered and I didn't pry, but it was a good reminder that you never know what someone else (or their family) is facing. And again, you'd think I would understand that by now, because people can't tell I'm sick just by looking or talking to me either. But the fact of the matter is sometimes I do forget, sometimes I feel convinced that no one else around me is going through anything nearly as big as some of the challenges CF gives me, and quite frankly, that's total BS on my part. I'm glad to have the reminder, but I do wish it could have come through happier means.

3) Ever since my exciting near-miss from the hospital a couple of weeks ago, I've been feeling amazingly healthy and also just pretty high on life. I'd forgotten how that really felt, to be honest. Not that I was ever miserable, or even really unhappy, but I guess this is the first time in a long while that I haven't felt overwhelmed. And that's freeing in a way, because it lets me focus on some of the amazing things I have in my life that I might otherwise lose track of amid things like PA infections and transplant evals. I know that part of this feeling is the joy of finally (for once!) beating an infection without resorting to IVs, but I also think it has a lot to do with the fact that over the past few months I've connected with a group of cystics and their loved ones that has given me TONS of support and advice and generally kept me sane...because honestly my friends here in NYC are unbelievable, but they can't really tell me what to do when my sats go down the toilet. So I wanted to take a second to say thank you to all the CF2chat forum members. They are so amazing - all cystics and their families should check it out! (Shameless plug)

That's all. Just wanted to get those things off my chest.


  1. Wow.. I'm so sad for your co-worker's family, and the little boy.. yeah, you never know when things are going to happen.

    I am glad you are feeling better and not so overwhelmed. That's really good news!!

  2. That is such a shame about your co-worker!!! I am so sorry!!!!!

    (((HUGS))) for all points!!!

    See you Saturday for a real live hug with mask ;)

  3. Of course CF2chat is awesome! That is how I found Christy! You are right about friends, they are amazing, they are loyal, and they stick by you, but they don't know what it's like to "feel" CF. It's good to have others out there who can relate, and tell you about their own experiences.

    It's scary that a young guy from your firm passed, it makes you think that maybe we don't have it so bad. I always think...well if we decide to have kids, what if something happens to me. But, my best friend helps put it in perspective for me...she always says (she has a son) that she could just as easily die from a car accident or something. This is true. I guess with us CF'ers facing our mortality at a young age is just something we've had to accept. Most 30 year olds don't have to face this. But, something could easily happen to them.
    OK..I've totally rambled! I just wanted to say that I totally understand what you are going through. Life is hard, it's messy, and it's beautiful at the same time! I think having CF (or any disease at a younger age) makes you become more aware of things.